What's in Store?

I haven't put hand to keyboard in quite awhile. It seems sleep is eluding me, it's 4:30 in the morning and I am up, worrying about the weeks to come. I have been waiting for my hearing for my disability now for almost a year, Actually 2 years if you count the year befor they set me up for a hearing a year ago next month. not being able to work like I used to, sometimes not able to work at all. I have been having trouble making ends meet, first they shut off the satellite 4 or 5 months ago, I still get nasty phone calls, I am completely out of propane which only affects our heat this winter, yet they want $6o to pressure test my tank before they can put their liquid gold in at $1.99 a gallon if I can buy 200+ gallons before July 31, about $500 worth, but Propane is unecessary right now as I can hang clothes up to dry, and My cook stove caught on fire last winter so I am cooking on an electric hot plate.
My little shop in town is not much help as I have to have about $10 a day for gas to and from town and I am 3 payments behind on my building that is more that half paid for. Last month my electric was shut off because the power company in it's wisdom, added an old bill from another account that i couldn't pay then and still can't pay now, to my little shop bill that I can manage when its the normal $40- $50 a month at the most. They tacked a $110 ammount to my already $50 bill when I couldn't pay that and I couldn't have payments since it was a past due ammount, They shut me off. I wrote a check at the grocery store to pay the $180 bill, they now tacked on a shut off fee to the bill I already couldn't pay. I had hoped something would happen to give me the money to cover the check or even if the bank would pay it and charge me an overdraft at least i could hope to keep open at the storefront enough to have some bill money. Well the check has bounced twice, so much for the overdraft and my bank is charging me $5.00 a day because I am overdrawn from the 2 $25 check charges they levied because I was $3.00 shy to pay that $180 check, with no money in sight.
I'm not looking for handouts, I only want people I owe money to to work with me a little, I have had my electric with this company for almost 20 years and more than one account, I have paid them and I intend to pay them so why punish us who are already being punished by a system that wants poor people dead and gone.
I will now probably be charged with a hot check the first time in my life and I will have to go to jail as I have no bond money and no means to promise payment at a specific time. I will go to Jail and they can deal with me by giving me time as that is the only thing I have plenty of, time to dwell on the days ahead when my electric at home is off and I no longer have a way to town to even get groceries. I hope noone has to experience what I am going through, even though I realize this is what is going to happen a lot sooner as groceries have gotten out of control and my food stamps were cut so I feed 2 people on $113 a month, I can't see a doctor because I have no insurance or money, and the "Christian" Clinic won't see me because I did not file taxes last year, what's there to file when you have no income? Of course "Christian" has come to mean, how much money can we get from the poor suckers and show the world we care with our million dollar church buildings!!!!
Anyway, This is the only place I can talk about this as my friends and family have no idea about my situation and I can't have them know because most of them are in the same shape I am, and it doesn't do any good to bitch, I know that God has a plan for me and I keep that in my heart that is the only thing that keeps my heart from breaking.
Well, I'll take a Prozac and quit my whining, Thanks for listening! Next blog will start with the $37,000 the IRS says I owe them because I lost a house to the bank..........why? because I couldn't pay for the house! Go figure.....