What's in Store?

I haven't put hand to keyboard in quite awhile. It seems sleep is eluding me, it's 4:30 in the morning and I am up, worrying about the weeks to come. I have been waiting for my hearing for my disability now for almost a year, Actually 2 years if you count the year befor they set me up for a hearing a year ago next month. not being able to work like I used to, sometimes not able to work at all. I have been having trouble making ends meet, first they shut off the satellite 4 or 5 months ago, I still get nasty phone calls, I am completely out of propane which only affects our heat this winter, yet they want $6o to pressure test my tank before they can put their liquid gold in at $1.99 a gallon if I can buy 200+ gallons before July 31, about $500 worth, but Propane is unecessary right now as I can hang clothes up to dry, and My cook stove caught on fire last winter so I am cooking on an electric hot plate.
My little shop in town is not much help as I have to have about $10 a day for gas to and from town and I am 3 payments behind on my building that is more that half paid for. Last month my electric was shut off because the power company in it's wisdom, added an old bill from another account that i couldn't pay then and still can't pay now, to my little shop bill that I can manage when its the normal $40- $50 a month at the most. They tacked a $110 ammount to my already $50 bill when I couldn't pay that and I couldn't have payments since it was a past due ammount, They shut me off. I wrote a check at the grocery store to pay the $180 bill, they now tacked on a shut off fee to the bill I already couldn't pay. I had hoped something would happen to give me the money to cover the check or even if the bank would pay it and charge me an overdraft at least i could hope to keep open at the storefront enough to have some bill money. Well the check has bounced twice, so much for the overdraft and my bank is charging me $5.00 a day because I am overdrawn from the 2 $25 check charges they levied because I was $3.00 shy to pay that $180 check, with no money in sight.
I'm not looking for handouts, I only want people I owe money to to work with me a little, I have had my electric with this company for almost 20 years and more than one account, I have paid them and I intend to pay them so why punish us who are already being punished by a system that wants poor people dead and gone.
I will now probably be charged with a hot check the first time in my life and I will have to go to jail as I have no bond money and no means to promise payment at a specific time. I will go to Jail and they can deal with me by giving me time as that is the only thing I have plenty of, time to dwell on the days ahead when my electric at home is off and I no longer have a way to town to even get groceries. I hope noone has to experience what I am going through, even though I realize this is what is going to happen a lot sooner as groceries have gotten out of control and my food stamps were cut so I feed 2 people on $113 a month, I can't see a doctor because I have no insurance or money, and the "Christian" Clinic won't see me because I did not file taxes last year, what's there to file when you have no income? Of course "Christian" has come to mean, how much money can we get from the poor suckers and show the world we care with our million dollar church buildings!!!!
Anyway, This is the only place I can talk about this as my friends and family have no idea about my situation and I can't have them know because most of them are in the same shape I am, and it doesn't do any good to bitch, I know that God has a plan for me and I keep that in my heart that is the only thing that keeps my heart from breaking.
Well, I'll take a Prozac and quit my whining, Thanks for listening! Next blog will start with the $37,000 the IRS says I owe them because I lost a house to the bank..........why? because I couldn't pay for the house! Go figure.....

Playing Catch Up

Well, here I am again making apologies for my blatant ignoring of my blog, the thing I wanted to make into a new positive habit. To catch up, Mom now has Dad at home where she is caring for him herself, I won't even go into the horror story of the Rehabilitation Hospital my Dad was sent to after surgery. I believe wholeheartedly that the doctors wrote my Dad off and were hoping to institutionalize him, milking what horrid insurance my parents have until he died. Well Mom and us kids had other thoughts! Mom confronted the staff at the hospital and demanded Dad be sent home with her so he could get the proper and loving treatment he needed. While in the hospital, Dad acquired a internal staph infection called C-Dff, it is a horribly anti-biotic resistant strain that is almost incurable. Dad had Surgery in January and mom has him on the 5th round of antibiotics since then, at this time!!! The first antibiotic cost $1400.00 for a 2 week supply and Mom had to pay $600 of that as her co-pay!!! They want to Kill us All!!! At least Dad is responding to Mom's tender care and my brothers have been a Godsend, helping remodel the bathroom and visiting all the time, I regret I can't be there to help at this time, but I keep in touch with Mom and make sure she has someone to talk to and to vent to, as being a caregiver can try your very soul.
My father has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and befor the surgery he was still in pretty good shape, but the stress of the Surgery and subsequent problems have caused the disease to accelerate. There are days when he doesn't know Mom and I know that is terrible, and she is afraid to let him out of her sight for very long as he doesn't realize a lot of things anymore. Mom caught him trying to brush his teeth with cortizone cream and he argued with her before she could get it away from him. At least they still get to socialize a bit, They have started going back to chiurch and they take walks in the neighborhood and visit friends, Dad still has many good days but it is terrible to think of this man, a Consulting Engineer, who all his life depended on his brain for everything, going slowly blank, I know at one time he did know he was losing his mind and it really bothered him, I at least think he has passed the point where that thought even means anything. Well , I guess I need to get back to my dishes, and I am dealing with Barry having a kidney stone, so Send all your prayers we welcome them all, and have a blessed Day!

This Year's already Ticking Away.....

I have a few minutes before I have to go to town, I am giving my commercial property in Yellville to the Church as they need a storefront in town and I can continue to run church functions from a real office instead of my coffee table in the living room. The church is still working towards building and maintaining an animal shelter here in Marion county, We are seeking a location to hold charitable Bingo with all proceeds benefiting the Shelter.
We are fixing an outdoor place for worship where we will have our regular church services, it will be an informal, peaceful, area that will appeal to those individuals who like our more laid back form of worship.
I also would like to write again about my Family....Mom has been keeping us all informed as to Dad's progress. As of last night there seems to be a problem, my Father has not yet awakened from the surgery he had on Friday the 4th. He's not exactly in a coma, yet he can't seem to open his eyes when he is being spoken to, and he does not communicate in any other way. The Doctor seems to think this is normal, as he was heavily sedated to keep him from pulling out the tubes and i.v. s. I hope to hear from Mom tonight that it is better as they are stopping the sedatives. I know mom is feeling guilty now that she insisted that Dad have this surgery, but if he didn't have it he would have been in extreme discomfort and pain. She did the right thing, I would have insisted he do it too if i had been there. My youngest brothers, Harry and Whitney are living in Florida and have gotten to visit dad. I know they are extremely worried and upset at the way dad looks and is reacting, They will be there for Mom I know and if I need to I will fly to Florida to help out, right now it is a waiting game with all the Family and Friends Praying for my Dad's speedy recovery, Thanks to all, I Love you.

It's a New Year

Okay, so I abandoned my Blog for quite a few months, I am trying to fix that part of me that procrastinates but I guess the work will wait til later!!!!!LOL Anyway, this year has started off with trying times for my family. My father is in the Hospital in Florida having just had cancer surgery on the 4th. He made it through physically but mentally it has really KO'd him. Dad is a retired Professional engineer and to be slowly losing his mind to dementia and now an Alzheimer's diagnosis, is probably the worst thing he is going through. To watch my father lose those faculties that defined his personality is the most painful part of this, and I worry for my Mother, who always tries to do too much on her own, that the care of my Father from this point on will tax everyone in our family but mostly mom who has been there for Dad these last 40 or so years and has been a rock for this family in her tireless efforts to make life pleasant for all around her. I got to see Dad at Thanksgiving this past year, all the family was there and we had a ball! Dad was in good shape and we got to visit and spend quality time with him. My brother Gill who tends to not keep in touch sometimes, actually let me pick him up in Mississippi and take him with my son James and I to Florida and we really had a great time on the trip. Barry couldn't go because we don't have a vehicle that he can stretch out in and his diabetic Neuropathy makes it unbearble to ride for a long time without stretching out. Dad was really happy to see Gill, he hadn't heard from him inabout 2 years and since Gill had been displaced by Katrina,
Dad was especially worried. Gill and I were Dad's first family and I believe he worries more about us as we were the ones who chose to lead unconventional lives and cause Dad more worries than my 2 younger brothers who were Dad's 2nd family after Mom died and he remarried. I always say, I gave Dad every grey hair on his head, and it's probably true, ask Mom, she'll agree!!! My dad was always there for me, Him and Mom financed many of my false starts, They always bailed me out when I needed them the most and now that i have found my way in life I try to do the same for my son. Dad did it because to him it was the right thing to do, to support your kids, pretty much no matter what. Dad and Mom allowed me to be who I was and become the best I could be by supporting me and not cutting me off and turning their backs on all the screwed up times I went through. I thank God for my parents, they did the best they knew how and it will always be more than I ever deserved. Dad was very down to earth, nothing phoney about him, When I was young he would take us outside at night to watch the stars and he showed us sattellites in the night sky, I believe they really impressed him and his engineer' s mind. He was always up on the latest scientific news and he passed that love of new techology and feats of engineering on to us. He gave me my curious nature, I still to this day, at age 50, can get excited about new things to be learned and to just check out the world around me with curious eyes, Thanks, Dad I wouldn't have it any other way. Well, I have to go, but my Prayers are with my Mom and Dad who are embarking on the longest journey of their life together.. I know they will make it, They are the strongest 2 people I know, I love you Mom and Dad.

Remembering con't......

I left off at the living room. It was the depth of the house with windows at the front and floor to ceiling windows at the back looking over the balcony to the yard below. It was cool to lay on the floor looking out those windows when we'd have a thunderstorm. The lightning would illuminate the yard and we would scream and giggle at being so scared. There were 2 white upholstered chairs without arms, by those windows and there were sheer curtains that usually were drawn. The sofa was this big overstuffed Mauve? (ugly Pink), there were marble topped end tables and coffee table. At that time my Mom and Dad smoked so we had the silver set of ashtray, lighter and cigarette holder on the coffee table. The end tables had lamps that had exqusite marbled glass globes on the bases I believe they were Italian. My brother Whitney, broke one many years later when my folks moved to Florida. There was a wing back chair in the corner by the front hallway. This chair had a great view of the front yard and I remember sitting in that chair a lot. When I had chicken pox and had to be home I sat there and watched the world going by. I sat there for the mumps and the measles. I would sit there waiting on our Dr. who made house calls, Dr. Mooney. I was one of those kids with chronic ear infections and sore throats. Also in the living room was a 3 drawer cabinet that was shiny black enamel with gold trim on the drawers. The Wall behind that dresser was brick and the fireplace was on this wall, it had a metal curtain that kept the embers from bouncing out. On top of the black chest were a lamp with a white marble base and narrow black lampshade. Also dad's candy dish was there and it always had those pink wintergreen wafers they were Dad's favorite. On the wall above the fireplace was a Brass wind up clock. It was in a starburst shape and had a curved glass door that you opened to wind it up. There was a tall brass candlestick with a white candle, a brass thing that mom kept the paper for starting fires in and of course the set of fireplace tools. Mom also had an old fashioned bed warmer with an ornate design on the brass pot part and a long handle that was fancy, having been lathe turned. Later when I got older the piano was in this room too. This room was also medium green. Well tomorrow I'll try to finish the upstairs before I take you on the Basement tour......

Remembering the little things....

I'm sitting here going over some memories in my head. The reason I think I have such recollection is that the memories play like a movie as I think about them. I was thinking about my first home I lived in in York, Pa. The house was at 185 Sharon Drive, near the Hospital. It was a young neighborhood at the time, early 60's, New homes along with some older homes on the streets behind my house. My Dad was an architect and a professional engineer. He designed the house we lived in and even to this day I believe it was ahead of its time for it's design. I'll give you the tour...... A two car garage that had a very large crack in the floor causing part of the slab to sink, was a result of torrential rains during Hurricane Hazel, the ground settled and the slab went with it. Dad was a handyman and he was always washing and waxing the car. He Loved turtle wax. I remember him showing me how to dab some on a rag from the bottle, I really can smell it as I write this and see the green color. He showed me how it would buff out slight scratches in the paint. Dad always drove Chevy Impalas that were his work cars. He really liked the light tan/dark tan color and we had quite a few different year models that were the same color. Then you walked into the hall of the kitchen area. The staircase for the basement family room was on your left and the front bathroom was on your right. Now this bathroom was pink and black trimmed tile with a shower, sink and toilet. It really was kind of Dad's bathroom. Dad had built a clothes chute to the laundry room below from this room. Those cabinets were painted black too. The color scheme was your typical 50's type. What we call retro now!!! The tile on the kitchen floor was a dull brown color with small flecks of other dull colors. The kitchen was really modern, we had a dishwasher, the kind that opened by sliding a big drawer out, the front was real wood and there was a spinning rack on top for the glasses. There was a small grey formica drop leaf table with 2 chairs in that part of the kitchen and Dad built a breakfast Nook with built-in seats that had storage under them. Kind of like what you find in travel trailers now. The upholstery was a burnt orange color, I believe it might have been called "pumpkin". Across from that Dad built a pantry and desk that was hidden by closet doors when not in use. The door to the Dining room was a pocket door, you know, the kind that slides into the wall when opened. The Dining Room and Living room had neutral grey carpet, the Dining room walls were a medium green. There was a cabinet and 3 drawers built into the wall on the kitchen side that was for the china and other entertainment items. The living room was separated by a red brick planter that was part of the wall with the fireplace in the livingroom. We used to keep living plants in there. I remember there were philodendron and draceana, every year at the tri-state fair, Dad would buy us chamelions from Florida and we would let them live in the planter. We sprayed the leaves with water and fed them meal worms from the pet store. Well the tour ends here for today, I'll start with the living room tomorrow, Mom, I hope you're reading this, this is for you and Dad, Love ya....

Blogger Buzz: Concerning the Historie and Nature of Blogs of Note

Blogger Buzz: Concerning the Historie and Nature of Blogs of Note

This is the day!!!!

Well today is the day we kick off the start of our fundraising for the new animal shelter our church is going to build for this county and surrounding area. I have been googling all morning getting leads on grants available and other information to help in our venture. The clock has started and my goal of Groundbreaking in December of this year is in sight. All things are possible!!!I have been testing the waters with people I know in town as to our project and I have met with only enthusiam for our project. We won't let them down. The huge ammount of feral cats and dumped dogs is unimaginable and because we are a rural area it is impossible to catch these people so the only thing we can do is try to help rescue those populations and start an agressive spay/neuter program to address the issue. Our shelter will be a NO KILL and all animals will be dealt with humanely. Only severely injured and animals in obvious distress will be humanely euthanized. all others, even ill-tempered animals will have a home with us until an adoptive family comes along for the ones able to go to new homes.We will have large animal facilities also as there are horses, goats and other larger animals, including wildlife, in need in our area. Please help us achieve our goal, it will mean a better community for us and the humane treatment of all animals in our area. Keep watching, I'll be updating our progress in the weeks to come.