What's in Store?

I haven't put hand to keyboard in quite awhile. It seems sleep is eluding me, it's 4:30 in the morning and I am up, worrying about the weeks to come. I have been waiting for my hearing for my disability now for almost a year, Actually 2 years if you count the year befor they set me up for a hearing a year ago next month. not being able to work like I used to, sometimes not able to work at all. I have been having trouble making ends meet, first they shut off the satellite 4 or 5 months ago, I still get nasty phone calls, I am completely out of propane which only affects our heat this winter, yet they want $6o to pressure test my tank before they can put their liquid gold in at $1.99 a gallon if I can buy 200+ gallons before July 31, about $500 worth, but Propane is unecessary right now as I can hang clothes up to dry, and My cook stove caught on fire last winter so I am cooking on an electric hot plate.
My little shop in town is not much help as I have to have about $10 a day for gas to and from town and I am 3 payments behind on my building that is more that half paid for. Last month my electric was shut off because the power company in it's wisdom, added an old bill from another account that i couldn't pay then and still can't pay now, to my little shop bill that I can manage when its the normal $40- $50 a month at the most. They tacked a $110 ammount to my already $50 bill when I couldn't pay that and I couldn't have payments since it was a past due ammount, They shut me off. I wrote a check at the grocery store to pay the $180 bill, they now tacked on a shut off fee to the bill I already couldn't pay. I had hoped something would happen to give me the money to cover the check or even if the bank would pay it and charge me an overdraft at least i could hope to keep open at the storefront enough to have some bill money. Well the check has bounced twice, so much for the overdraft and my bank is charging me $5.00 a day because I am overdrawn from the 2 $25 check charges they levied because I was $3.00 shy to pay that $180 check, with no money in sight.
I'm not looking for handouts, I only want people I owe money to to work with me a little, I have had my electric with this company for almost 20 years and more than one account, I have paid them and I intend to pay them so why punish us who are already being punished by a system that wants poor people dead and gone.
I will now probably be charged with a hot check the first time in my life and I will have to go to jail as I have no bond money and no means to promise payment at a specific time. I will go to Jail and they can deal with me by giving me time as that is the only thing I have plenty of, time to dwell on the days ahead when my electric at home is off and I no longer have a way to town to even get groceries. I hope noone has to experience what I am going through, even though I realize this is what is going to happen a lot sooner as groceries have gotten out of control and my food stamps were cut so I feed 2 people on $113 a month, I can't see a doctor because I have no insurance or money, and the "Christian" Clinic won't see me because I did not file taxes last year, what's there to file when you have no income? Of course "Christian" has come to mean, how much money can we get from the poor suckers and show the world we care with our million dollar church buildings!!!!
Anyway, This is the only place I can talk about this as my friends and family have no idea about my situation and I can't have them know because most of them are in the same shape I am, and it doesn't do any good to bitch, I know that God has a plan for me and I keep that in my heart that is the only thing that keeps my heart from breaking.
Well, I'll take a Prozac and quit my whining, Thanks for listening! Next blog will start with the $37,000 the IRS says I owe them because I lost a house to the bank..........why? because I couldn't pay for the house! Go figure.....

Playing Catch Up

Well, here I am again making apologies for my blatant ignoring of my blog, the thing I wanted to make into a new positive habit. To catch up, Mom now has Dad at home where she is caring for him herself, I won't even go into the horror story of the Rehabilitation Hospital my Dad was sent to after surgery. I believe wholeheartedly that the doctors wrote my Dad off and were hoping to institutionalize him, milking what horrid insurance my parents have until he died. Well Mom and us kids had other thoughts! Mom confronted the staff at the hospital and demanded Dad be sent home with her so he could get the proper and loving treatment he needed. While in the hospital, Dad acquired a internal staph infection called C-Dff, it is a horribly anti-biotic resistant strain that is almost incurable. Dad had Surgery in January and mom has him on the 5th round of antibiotics since then, at this time!!! The first antibiotic cost $1400.00 for a 2 week supply and Mom had to pay $600 of that as her co-pay!!! They want to Kill us All!!! At least Dad is responding to Mom's tender care and my brothers have been a Godsend, helping remodel the bathroom and visiting all the time, I regret I can't be there to help at this time, but I keep in touch with Mom and make sure she has someone to talk to and to vent to, as being a caregiver can try your very soul.
My father has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and befor the surgery he was still in pretty good shape, but the stress of the Surgery and subsequent problems have caused the disease to accelerate. There are days when he doesn't know Mom and I know that is terrible, and she is afraid to let him out of her sight for very long as he doesn't realize a lot of things anymore. Mom caught him trying to brush his teeth with cortizone cream and he argued with her before she could get it away from him. At least they still get to socialize a bit, They have started going back to chiurch and they take walks in the neighborhood and visit friends, Dad still has many good days but it is terrible to think of this man, a Consulting Engineer, who all his life depended on his brain for everything, going slowly blank, I know at one time he did know he was losing his mind and it really bothered him, I at least think he has passed the point where that thought even means anything. Well , I guess I need to get back to my dishes, and I am dealing with Barry having a kidney stone, so Send all your prayers we welcome them all, and have a blessed Day!

This Year's already Ticking Away.....

I have a few minutes before I have to go to town, I am giving my commercial property in Yellville to the Church as they need a storefront in town and I can continue to run church functions from a real office instead of my coffee table in the living room. The church is still working towards building and maintaining an animal shelter here in Marion county, We are seeking a location to hold charitable Bingo with all proceeds benefiting the Shelter.
We are fixing an outdoor place for worship where we will have our regular church services, it will be an informal, peaceful, area that will appeal to those individuals who like our more laid back form of worship.
I also would like to write again about my Family....Mom has been keeping us all informed as to Dad's progress. As of last night there seems to be a problem, my Father has not yet awakened from the surgery he had on Friday the 4th. He's not exactly in a coma, yet he can't seem to open his eyes when he is being spoken to, and he does not communicate in any other way. The Doctor seems to think this is normal, as he was heavily sedated to keep him from pulling out the tubes and i.v. s. I hope to hear from Mom tonight that it is better as they are stopping the sedatives. I know mom is feeling guilty now that she insisted that Dad have this surgery, but if he didn't have it he would have been in extreme discomfort and pain. She did the right thing, I would have insisted he do it too if i had been there. My youngest brothers, Harry and Whitney are living in Florida and have gotten to visit dad. I know they are extremely worried and upset at the way dad looks and is reacting, They will be there for Mom I know and if I need to I will fly to Florida to help out, right now it is a waiting game with all the Family and Friends Praying for my Dad's speedy recovery, Thanks to all, I Love you.

It's a New Year

Okay, so I abandoned my Blog for quite a few months, I am trying to fix that part of me that procrastinates but I guess the work will wait til later!!!!!LOL Anyway, this year has started off with trying times for my family. My father is in the Hospital in Florida having just had cancer surgery on the 4th. He made it through physically but mentally it has really KO'd him. Dad is a retired Professional engineer and to be slowly losing his mind to dementia and now an Alzheimer's diagnosis, is probably the worst thing he is going through. To watch my father lose those faculties that defined his personality is the most painful part of this, and I worry for my Mother, who always tries to do too much on her own, that the care of my Father from this point on will tax everyone in our family but mostly mom who has been there for Dad these last 40 or so years and has been a rock for this family in her tireless efforts to make life pleasant for all around her. I got to see Dad at Thanksgiving this past year, all the family was there and we had a ball! Dad was in good shape and we got to visit and spend quality time with him. My brother Gill who tends to not keep in touch sometimes, actually let me pick him up in Mississippi and take him with my son James and I to Florida and we really had a great time on the trip. Barry couldn't go because we don't have a vehicle that he can stretch out in and his diabetic Neuropathy makes it unbearble to ride for a long time without stretching out. Dad was really happy to see Gill, he hadn't heard from him inabout 2 years and since Gill had been displaced by Katrina,
Dad was especially worried. Gill and I were Dad's first family and I believe he worries more about us as we were the ones who chose to lead unconventional lives and cause Dad more worries than my 2 younger brothers who were Dad's 2nd family after Mom died and he remarried. I always say, I gave Dad every grey hair on his head, and it's probably true, ask Mom, she'll agree!!! My dad was always there for me, Him and Mom financed many of my false starts, They always bailed me out when I needed them the most and now that i have found my way in life I try to do the same for my son. Dad did it because to him it was the right thing to do, to support your kids, pretty much no matter what. Dad and Mom allowed me to be who I was and become the best I could be by supporting me and not cutting me off and turning their backs on all the screwed up times I went through. I thank God for my parents, they did the best they knew how and it will always be more than I ever deserved. Dad was very down to earth, nothing phoney about him, When I was young he would take us outside at night to watch the stars and he showed us sattellites in the night sky, I believe they really impressed him and his engineer' s mind. He was always up on the latest scientific news and he passed that love of new techology and feats of engineering on to us. He gave me my curious nature, I still to this day, at age 50, can get excited about new things to be learned and to just check out the world around me with curious eyes, Thanks, Dad I wouldn't have it any other way. Well, I have to go, but my Prayers are with my Mom and Dad who are embarking on the longest journey of their life together.. I know they will make it, They are the strongest 2 people I know, I love you Mom and Dad.